The Beautiful thing about God is before you ever verbally cry out to him he has already heard your hearts cry. He’s already working on it but he’s waiting for you to move.
As I struggled to understand in what ways I lacked self-awareness, I knew two things in my gut! God wanted my attention and I needed to Worship in anticipation of his answer.
If you are not experienced with worship it is a way of honoring who God is. It’s an act of faith and He meets you right there in your praise.
Matter of fact en route to a Worship experience was the first glimpse that God was indeed working things out for me.
My husband asked me if I had taken that Enneagram test. I’d taken it months earlier and wasn’t the least bit intrigued nor was I interested.
I told him I was a peacemaker (9) but just barely, I had 5 other numbers that had the same with the same second place value. So I hadn’t thought much about it.
He went on to tell me that he had listened to a podcast who was the author of a book entitled, The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self Discovery.
Hubby went on to describe how he had gotten the book and began reading about his type. He thought it might be helpful for me to read about my type.
Since I didn’t feel like I’d garnered much insight in my previous test I took about 5 mins to take the test online. I got a 9 again but this time my other numbers were more varied.
So my husband than hands me his phone so that I could read the chapter about characteristics of a peacemaker.
I started reading and became more and more fascinated.
How could this book……… ?
I mean, it knew some of the internal dialogue I’d had in my studies and my talks with God.
My frustrations doubts and disappointments exposed for all to see! It left me feeling naked and vulnerable. However, as I read I felt my path was being illuminated.
Simply seeing feelings and struggles given voice, filled me with hope and clarity I had been praying for.
The following quote literally brought tears to my eyes. Reading it repeatedly to myself, it spoke to me.
Nines are out of touch with the good side of anger, the part that inspires, drives change, moves things along and gives them courage to stand up for themselves. When you’re unplugged from this side of anger, you become lethargic and dreamy.
It was hardcore truth, among many, that I needed to hear.
I have a discomfort with the Greatness God has shown me glimpses of. It is scary to be stretched.
My go-to behavior, that never ceases to trap me in mediocracyville, was my choice to complete “very important tasks”, which get in the way of me completing the tasks I REALLY need to complete.
I am the queen of being busy and accomplishing nothing!
In the midst of reading this, though overwhelming, I found hope for developing the self-awareness God desires for me.
On my healthiest days, I found this passage to be true.
When it comes to attaining a unitive knowledge of God and becoming “one with Christ,” healthy Nines almost always cross the finish line first. They’re natural contemplatives. Nines are open and receptive in every way. Even as kids, they seem to possess an innate awareness of the sacramental dimension of the world. They have a profound awareness of the interconnectedness of all things in creation. Lovers of the outdoors, they pick up on the presence of God in the natural world and how everything expresses God’s glory.
My growing awareness has already yielded changes in how my days flow and how much I accomplish. I can identify my roadblocks and I am learning how to circumvent them.
Will I jump on the enneagram train? Probably not. It was a tool, I believe God used to expose areas in my life that remained hidden. There are always blind spots in our lives.
My expanded awareness has reignited my purpose so that I can walk boldly into my calling. I am making me a priority.
God can use who and what he wants to speak to us.
He is indeed doing a new thing in me!!