Majestically Flawed

Under Construction

Asleep at the wheel? Lost in the Sauce? In La La Land? Space Cadet? Tired? Overwhelmed? Does it even matter? Do I really matter? Why am I here?

Oh well!, I am exhausted and I need a nap!

WAKE UP!!!!

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For the last eight months I have been sleep walking through life! Often overwhelmed, spiritually depleted and in need of self care. Down right tired! Just living!

I’m a teacher so June is my downtime month.

Breathe!!!

I’d had time to assess where I was, where I had been and where I wanted to be. I wasn’t happy with my assessment.

I felt stuck, falling into old patterns of thinking and behaving. I was treading water but going nowhere. Emotionally I felt as if I was unraveling. If I can Just make it to………. became my mantra. I lacked Joy!

I made it. However, observing myself through those moments and the aftermath I was sorely disappointed in my self. I had checked out………again! Yes, I’d been here before and I knew better.

Why can’t I keep it together?

Am I capable of maintaining a healthy standard of emotional, spiritual and behavioral health? I’m not looking for perfection. However in times of stress, can I still walk in my calling? Can I interact within the world, yet maintain my spirituality and not take on the ways of the world?

Doubt in my ability to maintain lasting change I have spent the past three weeks turning to God through prayer and study.

Lord!, You said I am more than a conqueror! Why can’t I conquer my weaknesses, my flaws, my thoughts and be the best version of myself?

Self Awareness was the word that fell heavy in my spirit.

Ok but uhm ….. I have for years prided myself on being self aware. I know myself, I know my strengths. I know my weaknesses.

I’m Self Aware!!!!

Silence…… Pondering

But God???

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I know better, but I cant do better. I know what I should do but I fail every time. I’m doomed to fail over and over. Stuck in mediocrity.

GOD!!! I need your help I can’t do this on my on!!!!!

Tears! Silence….

I keep praying and thinking. I wait.

But in the background God is indeed working it out for my good! He is doing a new thing in me! I feel it even now as I write!

Stay tuned!!

I Am Under Construction 🚧

Read Part 2

3 thoughts on “Under Construction”

  1. Romans7:15 came to mind. This post was very down to earth and real. You’re far from alone. However I’m finding joy with the fact that I care to get up and try again. You got this sis, regroup, refresh and keep pushing.. we have to remember to stay filled so we can properly pour out.

    Liked by 1 person

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